So, your mate has chosen you to be his best man. Accustomed as you are to planning epic parties and tearing up the dancefloor at weddings, it’s unlikely that you’ve ever given a best man’s speech.
But, you know that best man speeches can quickly descend into an awkward, drunken spectacle during which your mate has his head in his hands. So, here are a few pointers to keep in mind as you prepare to give your best man’s speech. No pressure.
Don’t be that guy who, hours before the reception, is nervously scribbling down notes on the back of his hand – only for them to disappear the moment they stand up in a hot, sweaty room. Nor do you want to be that guy, namely Smithy in Gavin & Stacey, who has been banging on about how hilarious his best man’s speech is – only for it to be absolutely awful.
Maybe try your speech out a couple of times in front of the mirror – you’d be surprised how strange it may sound when read out loud.
A rehearsed best man’s speech is guaranteed to be an improvement on anything you can drunkenly scrawl on the back of a napkin ten minutes beforehand
Sure, you want to enjoy yourself, and yes, a few drinks may help you relax before giving a speech in front of hundreds of people – including your mates who, lets be honest, want you to make a fool of yourself.
But staggering up to make your speech, drink in hand, isn’t a good look. Veer away from the free champagne and focus on the job in hand – delivering an epic best man’s speech.
So, save the boozing for when everyone is buying you drinks to congratulate you on delivering a hilarious speech.
Whether it’s your mate’s former flame or his bride’s bygone boyfriend, don’t mention any exes ever. As far as the guests should be concerned, both bride and groom have never so much as spoken to anyone of the opposite sex.
Your mate’s new father-in-law hates him enough without you bringing up the son-in-law he wished he had.
Plus, swerve using words such as ‘psycho’ to describe the women who passed on the chance to marry your mate. It won’t impress his new bride and it certainly won’t impress the ex-lover who he’s oddly invited to his wedding – but we won’t go there.
On balance, your tone should be good-natured – you’re describing the groom, not trying to ruin his marriage before it’s even begun. Remember, it’s a wedding, not the bachelor party – so anything that happened on the stag weekend is not for here.
Also, any reminders of criminal activity are out-of-bounds unless it’s either trivial or victimless – and nobody wants to hear about any awkward fishing trips or weird holidays in Amsterdam.
What we’re trying to say is, read the room – it’s not an open-mic night in which your mate is the victim.
Ten minutes is enough, honestly. The perfect best man’s speech is a balance of jokes, the revelation of a few embarrassing stories and, a tear in the eye and a hearty handshake at the end. A poignant “I love you, man” as you pretend to hold back the tears is sure to do the trick.
What you don’t want to do is ramble – you’re only stopping people from either dancing, drinking or eating, and nobody wants that. If you’re worried that your speech is too long, skip a few embarrassing stories, raise your glass and get it over with.
And, speaking of raising your glass.
When James Corden took that piece of plastic toast out of his shopping bag only for it to be met with silence, shows just how hard it is to make a good toast. So, for starters, maybe leave the props at home.
One of the most annoying parts of any wedding speech is being asked to raise your glass every couple of minutes in honour of everything from the DJ to the clergy.
So, raise your glass and ask the guests to do the same, say something cute and relax in your seat safe in the knowledge that you’ve just given an epic best man’s speech.
We hope you’ve enjoyed our guide on how to give the perfect best man’s speech. These thoughtful and helpful pointers are sure to help you shape an epic speech.
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